Family Contracts

Discipline in the home often goes without consistency, and can be somewhat ambiguous. Family contracts can be used to encourage positive behavior and hold kids and teens to their responsibilities. Also, they can be a valuable tool for teaching kids accountability for their actions and incorporate their cooperation in good decision making and disciplinary action. Creating a family contract needs to be a thorough effort. The resulting product should consist of a written agreement, willingly signed by both the parent and the child.

When creating a family contract, there are a few important factors to remember. It must have precise wording, that stipulates the exact behaviors that are expected and a time frame for compliance. Some ideas for family contracts include staying drug/alcohol free, completing homework on time, and not staying out part curfew. However, the terms of the contract should be specific to the behaviors on which your child needs to improve. Another important part of the family contract is your child's participation. Children who help design the contract and come up with ideas for rewards or privileges are more likely to comply. Each expected behavior needs to have a corresponding reward, to encourage success. Punishments, or consequences, may be included as part of the family contract. However, it is important to keep agreements as positive as possible.

Family contracts help children make good choices and allow disciplinary actions to run more smoothly. Kids and teens will know exactly what is expected of them and how to work for their desired rewards. The contract will also outline discipline in a way that removes all ambiguity and hold them accountable for their actions. They serve as a teaching instruments, behavioral modification plan, and organizational tool for any family who uses them. In order to get your kids on board, make sure they know that the family contract is a way to help them get what they want from life, while teaching them to be successful. Follow the terms of the contract consistently for best results.

Student Contracts

A student contract is a written agreement between a student and the faculty for the purpose of behavior modification. They are usually made up of one or more selected behaviors that need to be improved upon, followed by a corresponding reward. Student contracts are designed to be positive, focusing more on goals and reward than discipline. However, some do include a penalty clause, for cases when the student has failed to meet the expected behaviors.

Student contracts are often seen to be effective for a number of reasons. First of all, it is a different approach than just sending a student to detention. With a student contract, the effort and time utilized by the staff, demonstrates to the students that he/she is cared about, and that all faculty is serious about the need for a behavior change. In addition, a student contract reinforces positive behaviors that the student has signed and agreed upon. Half the battle of getting a student to behave can just be getting them to decide it is what they want, also. Upon signing a student contract, a student often feels a greater sense of responsibility for their actions.
Some school faculty are critical of student contracts and see them as a way of rewarding one student for behaviors that should be expected of them, while excluding those who always behave well. However, sometimes rewards can be simple privileges, such as the student getting to choose their seat at lunch or being able to participate in after school activities. Additionally, students who have behavioral issues, often have a handicap when it comes to learning effectively. Therefor, by implementing a student contract, teachers and administrators are giving the individualized attention and support that the student needs to be successful in school, while maintaining order and teaching an important lesson in accountability. Student contracts have proven to be highly effective in correcting many behavioral issues.

Child Contracts

In order to lead cooperation and success while parenting your child, consider a child contract for best results. Child behavior contracts are a formal agreement between a child and their parents. Written down and signed by both parties, they take the emphasis away from punishment for poor behavior, and place it on motivation and earning privileges. One of the major problems with attempting to change a child's behavior, is that the child hasn't agreed to cooperate before instruction has begun. Child contracts eliminate this problem, while motivating a child to meet goals, and teaching them accountability for their actions.

The words “because I said so” hold little merit when attempting to get a positive response from a child. Appealing to their self interest is a much more effective way to motivate them and promote good decision making skills. Children will not learn accountability for themselves, if they are on only held accountable to you. However, the key to developing a successful child contract is to keep it positive. It should be based on accomplishments and earnings, rather than failures and punishments. This does not mean that a child must be rewarded with ice cream every time they make their bed or do something that should be expected of them. Rather, a child contract stipulates that all privileges must be earned. Whether it is watching television for an hour daily, receiving an allowance, or getting new clothes, an expected behavior need to be met in order to receive the reward.

In order to create a child contract, you will first want to communicate with your child about what is important to them. Whether it is getting to redecorate their room, purchasing a new video game, or spending personal time on the computer, knowing what they want will give you a chance to discuss how they can earn it. Let them know that the purpose of the meeting is to talk about how he/she can earn rewards. Discuss positive behaviors that you would like to see from your child such as completing homework on time, doing household chores, or asking for permission before seeing friends. However, remember that it is important to keep child contracts simple. You may even wish to use child behavior charts , or chore charts, to keep track of the positive behaviors. You will not want to target every behavioral issue at the same time. Write up a contract that outlines the details of each behavior and reward that both you and your child agree on. Both parties should sign the agreement before it is enforced. Child contracts can be a positive tool in parenting, when they are used correctly.

Teen Contracts

The teenage years can be a trying time for both teens and their parents. Teens are faced with a number of dangers and have some tough decisions to make. Plus, they can struggle with issues like grades and responsibility. On the other hand, parents are often faced with the challenge of getting their teens to cooperate and may have to deal with rebellious teens, deception, and insubordinate behavior. However, teen contracts help to eliminate the defiant behaviors of teens and encourage them to take accountability and develop good decision making skills.

It is human nature for a teen to struggle for independence. No one likes being “told” what to do. A teen contract gives the teen the ability to help make and agree upon good choices. At the same time, it outlines rewards or disciplinary actions, so they understand accountability as it relates to their decision making. For example, a teen contract may state that upon staying drug, alcohol, and tobacco free, the teen will be to drive the car. Another example might be a teen receiving an allowance for maintaining good grades and keeping up on their chores. These contracts work best when they are kept positive, given a time frame, and detail specific.

Before writing up a contract, it is important to discuss potential rewards with your teen and expected behaviors. This opens up the line of communication to talk about important issues that teens will face. Plus, it let's your teen know that you are trying to help them earn their desires, and have their well being and happiness in mind. During this time, discuss the terms of a potential contract and take down some notes. Be sure to cover rules, expectations, and goal that you would like your teen to adhere to or work towards. Then, make sure there is a privilege or reward that corresponds to each one. Once the terms have been agreed upon by both you and your teen, write up a formal contract that both of you will sign. Be consistent in enforcing the terms of the agreement and your teen will learn to take accountability for their actions. Teen contracts teach an important lesson and encourage positive behavior. In addition, they help parents tackle the difficult issues of discipline and gaining teen cooperation.

Parent Contracts for Social Networking?

If you are a parent and you have any teenage kids then the term "Social Networking" should not be new to you. If it doesn't mean anything to you just think Facebook, MySpace, Twitter. These are some of the most popular and well known social networking sites. There are literally millions of users with accounts on these free sites. At first glance they just seem like a fun part of adolescent development. But you may want to look a little deeper.

Unfortunately most teens don't realize the dangers that an online presence can present. Some very basic online safety tips to think of include:

• Privacy Settings: Know what the default settings are and then change them! You want as much information as possible to be kept safe.
• Who to Friend: Don't add every person that sends you a friend request and don't send friend requests to people you don't know personally. It is very easy to create a false online presence. Just because he/she has a cute picture, doesn't mean he/she is someone you want to have access to everything you say online.
• Think BEFORE You Speak: or write in this case. Don't post ANYTHING that you wouldn't want EVERYONE to read. Just because you don't have everyone on your friend list doesn't mean someone else can't repost what you said. Once it's out there, it's out there. There is no getting it back and no controlling where else it goes.
• Don't Reveal Personal Information: Do NOT list your full name, phone number or physical address. This includes dates, times, and addresses of parties. You never know who will get the info and show up. These sites have become prime stalking grounds for sexual predators.
• LIVE: The cyber world is NOT the real world. Don't get so caught up in your online life that you never see or talk to anyone in "real" life. Turn off the computer and go outside. Go skating, hiking, biking - YES get some exercise! It is a great way to fight off depression, drug addiction, teen stress! Give it a try!

Parent Contracts! What more can we say. It is easy to tell your kids something and have it go in one ear and out the other without ever really processing. Write it down, spell it out, read it out loud, make your teen read it out loud and then sign it! If you have some hard and fast rule about what is acceptable and what is not and what the consequences are of not following the rules, you have at least made every effort to keep your teen safe. Don't let cyber bullying become a part of your teen's life. School bullying is hard enough to avoid. Let's try to keep from inviting any more problems into the lives or our already struggling teen's lives!

Benefits of Parent Contracts

From grades, nutrition and curfews, to smoking, drugs, and sexual conduct, there are any number of teen issues that may benefit from a parent contract. Parent contracts are written agreements between teens and parents outlining rules and behavior expectations, as well as the consequences for violating those rules. Contracts open the lines of communication within a family. They are most effective when both parents and teens develop and agree on the outlined terms together. However, there are many benefits to signing parent contracts with your teens.

Parent contracts give parents and teens the opportunity to sit down and talk about important issues with the goal of outlining appropriate conduct for each situation of concern. The idea is to create an agreement that meets the goals of both parties. Therefore, creating a parent contract opens the floor for discussion about what and why things are important to us as individuals. This type of communication strengthens relationships between parents and teens, and helps to resolve issues before they become problematic. You may even wish to start early on with younger children using child behavior contracts so they are accustomed to contracts prior to becoming out of control teens where they may see the contracts as more of a threat than an agreement.

Eliminating a certain element of drama, parent contracts are usually done before a behavioral issue becomes a mess of heightened emotions. Teens who have violated a contract are less likely to take a victim stance and use the word “unfair” to describe discipline, when they have previously agreed on what behavior and punishment is appropriate. Often this helps teens take more accountability for their actions, placing the focus on the actual behavior, instead of the resulting consequences that have already been predetermined. Instead of controlling your teen with rules, you are allowing them to develop and build confidence in their own decision making skills.

Parent contracts can also be used as a tool to outline goals and rewards for reaching those goals. This is a way to reinforce positive behavior, such as completing household chores, keeping up grades, and making healthy lifestyle choices. Overall, teen contracts benefit both the teen and parent, giving a formal time to communicate expectations for safe, appropriate behavior and growth.

Managing Holiday Stress with Teens and Kids

As adults we often recognize and understand that the holidays are not always a time of great joy, at times they can be very depressing and stressful. We often do not stop to consider our children may be feeling some of what we are going through, or even going through their own stress or depression. Children and teens often experience some of the same feeling as adults, such as:

• Hectic Schedules
• Financial Stress
• Crowds
• Too much idle time
• Increased grief over divorce/custody
• Changes in routine
• Shortened daylight

By managing your own stress you can help alleviate stress felt in your home and among other family members. Here are some tips you may do to help relieve stress during the holidays:

• Set a holiday budget and stick to it.
• Put aside differences (especially with ex's) and work together.
• Limit your alcohol use, this will help eliminate undue stress and set a good example for your teen who may have more peer pressure to drink during the holidays.
• Try to plan ahead and schedule your holiday events.
• Keep open communication about plans.

You can help your children/teens manage their stress by:

• Talking to them.
• Listening to them.
• Give them time to take a break.
• Encourage them to exercise and eat right.
• Help them do something charitable.
• Help them manage their gift buying and money managing.

For families who are dealing with an out-of-control teen, the holidays can be a time of even greater stress and worry. It is tough enough when they are in school or working and do not have a bunch of free time on their hands, then add extra time on their hands, more parties going on, and expectations of family time and it is even worse. There is worry that they will do something embarrassing at a family or work function, sleepless nights when they are not home by curfew, and fear their negative attitude will ruin the holidays for others.

The holidays are a perfect time to consider parent contracts. You can take this time to sit down and discuss what is expected from both parties and determine rewards or punishments if these expectations are not met. If you have never tried parent contracts before, you may wish to try doing a "holiday contract" for a short term contract specific to the holidays. Then, you may later consider other contracts for other issues or to establish general rules.