Chore Charts

When you are serious about getting something done some type of hands-on tool, to show progress and/or areas that need improvement, can go a long way in helping you achieve that goal. While this is true in many settings and scenarios, today we will focus on getting chores done. Having a chore chart is a great way to let every member of a household know what is expected of him/her. This may also help stop disputes about "I do more than anyone else" and "it isn't fair" that Joe NEVER has to clean the bathroom, or a million of the other complaints we have all heard from our children, teens, or other household members. 

Responsibility is a great way to teach self-esteem, self-discipline, and provide a way for all members of the household to participate in adding value to the household. Chores can start at a very young age, a 1 or 2 year old can follow very basic directions, like put all your shoes in this box, all your clothes in this bin, and all your toys in this basket. Letting them take this responsibility, and then put a sticker or mark next to a picture of clothes, toys, or shoes can teach them valuable lessons that they will use the rest of their lives.

As your children grow and develop, your chore charts will obviously take on a new look and meaning. Some things will stay basically the same, such as "keeping your room in a neat, clean, and orderly manner" other things may change weekly, monthly, or on another schedule that works best for your household situation. Some of the key features of having a successful chore chart arrangement include:

• Specific chore instructions- this includes how the chore is stated, for example "clean the living room" is not very specific. If your chore chart states something like "Clean the living room, including dusting furniture, vacuuming floor, and putting away all loose items", this would be much more specific and leave less room for argument. Otherwise you are bound to hear, "I am the only one that ever dusts" or "Jenny didn't put the movies away last week, so why should I have to". The more specific the instructions are the better.
• Frequency- this may vary with the chore. "Clean up dinner dishes" may be applicable everyday, as well as "keeping room clean and orderly", other things like doing your laundry, changing your sheets, mopping the kitchen floor, may only be done once or twice a week. Make sure your chore charts are very specific in this area as well.
• Rewards and/or consequences- in some household there are no "rewards" for doing your chores, it is simply part of living in the household. Other households feel that learning to see good consequences from making good choices is important and will implement a "reward system" with their chore charts. This may include something like, if you complete all your chores on time for a week, or month, we will all go out for ice cream. Regardless of whether you choose to implement a reward system, consequences for NOT completely a chore is essential. The last thing you need is a daily argument about getting chores done. If your chore chart simply states something like any chores not completed by 9 pm on day assigned will result in ______ (and have a specific consequence (person being grounded the next day, additional chore being added for a week, loss of certain privileges, etc.), use whatever fits best with the people in your household.

Obviously your chore charts will vary depending on the age range of the children and teens in your household and the needs of your household. Just remember that to have a successful experience you need to make sure that all your expectations and consequences are clearly outline and understood by all participants, as with any child behavior contract or parent contract. The earlier you start and the more involved you are the less likely you are to end up with troubled teens that are violent, addicted to drugs, or in need of a military school program just to help them finish their basic high school education. Visit childbehaviorcharts.com to download a sample chart today.

Preventing Teen Sexual Activity & Pregnancy

Teaching your children good morals and values may not be enough in this day and age to keep them from becoming sexually active through their teen years. It is perfectly natural for teens to have an overabundance of hormonal activity. With all of their changing hormones and physical body changes comes interest in the opposite sex and a natural curiosity to experiment with things they have read, or heard about. As if that is not enough for a teen to want to explore their sexuality, add a little peer pressure, and the chances of teens becoming sexually active become even greater. All of these things not only apply to girls, but teenage boys as well. Teaching good morals and values is an important part of keeping your teenager "morally clean", but it is just one step of several that can help prevent sexual activity and teen pregnancy.

Here are a few tips that may help:

• Speak openly and honestly with your children about their bodies, starting at a young age. This can help you and them feel comfortable in discussing age appropriate topics relating to sex throughout the years.
• Attend any school sponsored maturation presentations. This will ensure your children are getting accurate information and open up opportunities for discussions, and provide you with the opportunity to include your own families beliefs and expectations.
• Watch TV with your teen. Yes, watch TV. Chances are your teens are watching shows like "16 and Pregnant" and "Teen Mom". GREAT time to see what your teens opinions are and share insight to how unglamorous and exciting reality of being a teen mom can be.
• Use teen statistics - The consequences related to teen sexual activity and pregnancy speak for themselves in statistics. Teens will respond better to you sharing statistics and facts on sexually transmitted diseases and drop out rates of pregnant teens, rather than telling them "because I'm your parent and I know..."
• Listen to your teen - YOU may have strong political or religious beliefs on sex, abortion, adoption, and teen pregnancy, but that doesn't mean your teen does. Avoid the blame game if he/she doesn't believe the same as you - your teens safety, health, education, and future is what's important.
• Lead by example - By supporting local and national efforts to educate and prevent teen pregnancy, abortion, sexually transmitted diseases, etc... you are going to send a message and set an example for your teen to follow.
• EDUCATION - Regardless of your stand on contraception and abstinence, educating your child is the best means of prevention. If they do not learn about sex and pregnancy from their parents they are bound to learn it elsewhere. Do you want to have your child learn incorrect information from unreliable sources, because you were afraid to discuss it with them? Or know you are doing your part as a parent to educate and protect your child?

If you think your teen is not "one of those kids" - here are just a few statistics to consider:

• In the U.S. the teen pregnancy rate is 72.2% (per 1,000 girls age 15-19) vs. France 25.7%, Germany 18.8%, and Canada 16.3%
• Teen sex statistics indicate 75% of teenagers have had intercourse before age 20
• Public cost for teen pregnancy in the U.S. is between $6 and $9 BILLION per year!
• 80% of teen moms are on some form of public assistance
• 7 out 0f 10 teen mothers are unlikely to receive prenatal care
• Children born to teen mothers are at greater risk for emotional and physical abuse
• Baby boys of teen mothers are at increased risk for incarceration later in life
• Baby girls born to teen mothers are more likely to become teen moms themselves
• Both boys and girls are more at likely to struggle academically

One of the best ways to communicate with your children about sex and set up boundaries is by using parent contracts. Parent contracts allow both parent and child to come to agreement on beliefs, goals, rewards, and consequences.

Drugs and Alcohol Contract

We all tell our kids to say no to drugs and underage drinking. We try to scare them into compliance with drug abuse statistics, pointing out examples of what happens when someone is addicted to drugs: arrests, lost jobs, lost homes, bad health, and even drug overdose that results in death. While any and all of these are enough to scare an adult and make us think twice about our choices, teens are more interested in what will make them popular, and make them feel good. Teens are by nature curious and experimental. They want to find out about everything, so when a friend tells them to just "try it" this one time. They are more likely to succumb to the peer pressure and give it a try.

Because we know and understand the real consequences of drug abuse and alcohol addiction, and because we all know our kids are good kids and don't believe they will ever choose to get involved in any self-destructive behavior, we may not have any hard and fast rules about drug and alcohol use. Creating a drug and alcohol contract, which can include any number of forbidden substances, is a really good idea. By creating such a contract you will have the opportunity to openly talk to your teen about what your expectations are as well as give them hard and fast rules about what their consequences will be if they choose to use any of these substances.

Many people believe that if their child tries marijuana it isn't a big deal. The problem is that as the body gets used to one type of drug, teenagers will begin experimenting with other, more dangerous drugs, like prescriptions drugs, and may eventually even try cocaine or heroin. If you think your child may already be abusing drugs or alcohol because they are showing behavior that you recognize as drug use warning signs, seek out drug treatment and substance abuse counseling for them immediately. The longer you wait, the more damage they will have to their body and the harder it will be for them to break the addiction.

Drug and alcohol abuse warning signs can vary greatly from person to person. If you notice any extreme behavior in your child or teen, such as:

• depression
• low self esteem
• sudden mood swings
• new health problems
• extreme changes of any kind: eating, sleeping, friends, dress, etc.
• problems at school
• or violence at home

talk to your teen and try to find out what is going on. If they refuse to admit there is a problem, seek outside help. Most schools and communities offer programs for troubled teens and have specialized training to help struggling teens get the help they need. While there are a number of residential treatment programs and other great services that offer help and hope to families and individuals with drug and/or alcohol addictions, prevention is always the best option. Let your teen know what you expect of him/her and make sure you follow through with those expectations. We understand that no one can prevent all bad things from happening. Regardless of what your teen chooses, assure him/her that you love them and only disapprove of the behavior they have chosen. It will take a lot of love and support for any troubled teen to get the help they need, but with your love and support they can do it.

Teen Tobacco Use

Tobacco kills more people than AIDS, automobile accidents, drugs, fires, and homicides combined, costs the United States more than $150 billion a year, and is responsible for about 445 new cases of lung cancer everyday. With those tobacco statistics, people are left to wonder why anyone would choose to start smoking. As it turns out, very few adults ever do. The majority of people who use tobacco begin doing so in their teenage years and become addicted. Nearly all first time tobacco use occurs before graduation. Alarmingly, over the past decade, there has been virtually no decline in smoking rates among all teens.

As anti-smoking campaigns target our youth, photos of black lungs and premature aging circulate around their schools, and a tobacco education is presented in the form of videos, influential speakers, and class curriculum, teens still seem to be risking their health by using cigarettes and other tobacco products. It appears that combating teen smoking should prevent adult smoking and the future problems that occur as a result. However, more than 3,000 new youth smokers emerge everyday.

Among these new smokers, there are some common characteristics that are considered risk factors for early tobacco use. Those high school students who suffer from poor self-image, struggle with grades, or fall into a low socio-economic class are more likely to use tobacco. In addition, the majority of all youth smokers (as many as 98%) have one or more parents who smoke. It is likely that setting the example by not smoking may be the best way to keep our teens tobacco free. While smoking is also strongly linked with having friends or peers who smoke, parents still have a powerful influence on their teens by talking to them about the dangers of tobacco use.

There are a number of ways in which parents can assist their teen with staying tobacco free. Talking to them about how the tobacco companies try to encourage smoking by using advertisements and paying actors to smoke in movies, discussing good decision making skills, and prohibiting smoking in the home will discourage tobacco use. In addition, teens should be made aware of the serious health effects associated with smoking.

However, teens aren't always able to fully comprehend their own mortality at such a young age, or perceive long term effects as a reality. Therefore, it is also important to also discuss the short term effects of tobacco use. For example, talk to them about how smoking will have a negative impact on their ability to play sports or participate in other athletic activities. Appeal to their sense of vanity and discuss the smell of smoke on ones clothes and hair, the yellowing of the teeth and nails, and the weathering of the skin that will result.

In addition, encourage your teen to evaluate the financial restraints of smoking, how the cost of cigarettes can add up, and to think about other things they would prefer to do with that money. It is also a good idea to promote involvement in positive activities that encourage health and discourage idle time. Discuss how to deal with peer pressure. Keeping teens tobacco free is a tremendous responsibility. However, preventing premature death and other negative consequences that result from tobacco use make it well worth the effort.

You may also consider using a Forbidden Substance Contract which covers drugs, alcohol, and tobacco use. By using this type of contract you can lay out why type of consequences your child can expect if they ever choose to try smoking, drinking, or using drugs. But, you must stay firm in following through with this contract ifyou ever suspect your child of participating in these behaviors. Therefore, choose consequences you are willing to carry out.