Parenting Tips for Parenting Teenagers

Parenting is an ever-changing and never-ending job. Just when you think you have it all figured out, your child enters a new phase in their growth and development and you feel like everything you had figured out just flew out the window. In fact, you don't even know if this teenager is the same child you were parenting last week or if someone switched him/her out in the middle of the night. While there is no parenting handbook or set of rules for parenting teens, there are some parenting tips that can at least point you in the right direction or give you some new ideas to try.

Teenagers are all very different but are all trying to fit in and find their place. Typical teenage behavior can account for many of the teen issues you may be facing, but sometimes you may wonder if what you are going through is really normal or if you teen may need some extra help. During the teenage years you will want to pay very careful attention to your teen, talk to them as often as possible, but be aware that you will learn much more by listening than you will by talking. Often asking a teenager about how they think a situation should be handled or what possible solutions may be, will get them thinking and help them make well thought out decisions, instead of rash decisions they will regret later.

Pay attention to who your teens spends time with, their eating and sleeping habits, and their temperament. If you notice a drastic change in any of these areas you may want to find out more information about teen eating disorders, teen drug use, and teen depression. These are all very serious issues and you should never jump to any conclusion or accuse your teen of being involved in something that you think they may be involved in. Do some research first, then try talking to your teen about a specific issue in general terms: "How do you feel about teen drug abuse?" Asking what they know or how they feel about something may provide an opening that they have been looking for to discuss these serious matters with you.

Always let your teenager know that you love them and will help and support them in any way you can. If your teen knows they can trust you to help them, that you will be understanding and caring not just judgemental and punishing, they will be much more willing to talk to you about what is happening and what you can do to help. Remember that we all make mistakes and that being a teenager is hard. This doesn't mean your teenager doesn't need rules and consequences, in fact having a parent contract detailing expected behavior and consequences can help tremendously in avoiding many teen problems.

Creating Household Rules for the Entire Family

Creating rules for the entire family will help your household run more smoothly and efficiently.  Your children may not like the idea of writing down rules at first, but they will like the fact that the rules create more structure and clarity within the family. 

Creating a home without clear and concise rules, with rewards and consequences, is going to invite disorder, conflict, and behavior problems.  If there are no rules in your home against such things violence, stealing, and lying then how is a child to know when they breaking the rules?

In order to create effective household rules for the entire family, take these tips into consideration:

• Involve your child in creating the contract (rules) - Children tend to follow rules they help create, and defy those parents inflict upon them.
• Make rules age appropriate - a toddler may may need a rule about biting, whereas a teen about violence.
• Make sure everyone understands the rules - A child who doesn't read may need pictures.
• Limit the number of rules - a toddler may need one rule, and a teen may need more rules.
• Make rules positive, not negative - ie. Keep your hands and feet to yourself vs. no kicking, no hitting, no shoving.
• Rules need to be clear and concise - Saying "respect others" is too broad, be specific about the type of respect issue you may be having in your home (stealing, back talking, listening, obeying, etc.)
• Add or edit rules as needed - As the ages and behaviors of your children change, so should their rules.
• Everyone follows the rules - Including both parents and all children
• Write down and post the rules - this serves as a reminder to everyone.

Here is a list of common household rules you may wish to incorporate into your home:

• Keep your hands and feet to yourself.
• Tell the truth.
• Respect property. (pick up after yourself, keep common areas clean, turn off lights, ask before using others property)
• Talk nicely. (entails cussing, yelling, interrupting conversations)
• Do as you are told.
• Complete chores by a specific time. (compiling a chore chart clarifies duties and time encourages responsibility)
• Finish homework after school. (waiting until night time encourages procrastination)
• Act appropriately in school and public places.
• Specific bedtime. (drinks, restroom, storytime, etc...happens prior to this time)
• Curfew at a specific time. (anything past this time is considered breaking the rule)

Naturally, every family is different and you must consider the needs, and behavior problems, that are specific to your family.  You MUST follow through with consequences EVERY TIME a rule is broken.  Inconsistency will make the child test the rule more and more, to see if he/she will get away with it this time.  Make sure you encourage and reward positive behaviors!